I have said it before how much I believe in premarital counselling. We learned a lot about communication and expectations.
Then two days before the wedding the girl talk began with my bridesmaids and I received even more intimate advice especially since Rob and I were new to the game. We had not lived together so there would be lots to learn.
Now that we have been married a while I want to share with you my most favorite pieces of advice I received from various sources
Please note: this is advice I have received and boundaries my husband and I have. Whatever you and your partner decide is cool beans.
1) Use the Bathroom with the Door Closed: Poop and Pee with the door closed. Two days before our wedding I was at the spa when one of my closest friends shared with me advice from a marriage seminar that to keep a lasting marriage, treat each other as lovers and not roommates. In one year neither of us have been “door open people”. Be the godess you are (or manly man) and shut the door – extra points for an air freshner.
2) Your Husband is Not Your Girlfriend: As a woman I have 500 thoughts in my head going at one tIme. I can share anything with Rob but there are certain things to leave to girls night.Examples: “Did you see on the Bachalorette…” And “How do you deal with the pesky chin hair?
3) Doing Laundry is Sexy: “Traditionally” cleaning is a woman thing. Whenever I see my husband scrub a toilet, do the dishes, or a do a load of laundry.. It makes my heart explode and it should go both ways Summary: Laundry is sexy. Team work on running a home will only bring you closer.
4) Make Time for Touch: We currently don’t have kids but we often become task oriented. One day I read a #staymarried blog about the importance of hugs and kisses. I aim for a 6 second hug and a 6 second kiss. Doctors say it releases a ton of happy hormones! Everyday we share a big hug and I feel united.
5) Make Time for Friends: this one I struggle with. I am a homebody and could watch Big Bang Theory all evening but every Tuesday night is for my girlfriends. I have been blessed with many long term friends and so every Tuesday my house is open (We call it Traditional Tuesdays) where we catch up and be silly and serious all in one night. During this time Rob may be playing sports, out with friends, or just relaxing.
Open up a dialogue together. Decide what you want and do not want as a couple. Decide what boundaries you want to have. If that is difficult, bring in a neutral third party to help mediate. But always love, respect, and cherish.