“What other people think of you is none of your business”
When I heard that quote it hit me like a truck. Note: it was said by Dr. Phil so don’t judge that fact too deeply. *people pleasing already*
When you are a text book pleaser like me, you may relate to this quote. You may be one of my fellow people who tried not to offend other people or who have thoughts about your interactions from the day. Maybe even playing out a situation in your head over and over at 3AM thinking of how and what you could have done things different.
A very wise person once told me that being a people pleaser is the same thing as having an emotional sunburn where everything is tender and raw. When the skin is healthy, a mild tap does nothing, but if the skin is raw and hurting then a little tap can feel like a swarm of bees. What could really hurt one person could not even be noted by another. Then we often begin to question people’s intentions where that is not our place to judge.
One thing that I particularly struggle with is when life’s seasons change. I can’t describe the feeling I have when people who had a place in my life for a period of time finished their season in my life. I’m an extremely loyal person to my friends so it takes me some time to deal with that change. Luckily I’m learning that God will always be there to harvest new relationships.
Because not everyone you lose is a loss.
But there will be always been those special friendships that I have had that have been going on a decade back. We were all single gals *insert Beyonce rocking The Single Ladies dance right here* back when we didn’t have many responsibilities and life was pretty uncomplicated. Those are the girls that we were in each other’s wedding parties, threw showers, shared the ups and downs of pregnancy and motherhood, and now trade around our hand-me-downs for our kids.
Now wait… if you are a people pleaser you may feel like that makes you weak… FALSE (in my best Dwight Schrute voice). People pleasers tend to be some of the most empathetic people. We truly want the best for people, we like to go the extra mile, and we love so deeply. We are big encouragers and see the best in people. We wear our emotions on our sleeve and that shouldn’t be viewed as a negative thing. It’s that emotional sleeve that brings depth to relationships and adds a level of kindness the world needs.
As I am learning, it is all a balance. It’s loving hard and extending grace. It’s going the extra mile but doing it for all the right reason. It’s having emotions while trying to only be emotional in safe places. It’s allowing good and bad things come and go and not holding on too tightly.
Now all people pleasers UNITE.. but with kindness and some sunblock. Let’s go out and spread some sweet, untarnished love.