I was sitting with my husband, chatting about an idea that had been floating around in my head for awhile. We were talking about television role models both good and bad, well mostly bad. We thought of the Bud Bundy from Married… With Children who is stuck in front of the TV screen who mostly just has sarcastic remarks to his wife and was just an ATM to his children. Then there is Homer Simpson who is an alcoholic, glutton, lazy man who has to be nagged by his wife to do anything and is found most usually strangling his son Bart. Plus Peter Griffin… That is an obvious one.
Then we tried to think of good dads who are currently on TV and we were a little floored. The only example we could think of was the involved and silly Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. So I researched online different lists of the best dads on TV, most of them are from the 2000 and below. Bill Cosby from The Cosby Show, Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince, Fred Sanford from Sanford and Son, and Charles Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie, Danny Tanner from Full House and the list went on.
On GQ’s article “The Best Dads of Now” include Dexter, Tony Saprono, and the father from Breaking Bad. A serial murder, a mob boss, and the owner of a meth lab may be good dads but not good role models.
It is so hard these days to find positive male role models who are involved in their children’s lives, help around the house, and genuinely love and respect their wives. But husbands have the best resource in their home to be the best husbands: their partner!
I have only been married a year and am still in the newlyweds phase so I turned to the best marriage psychologists including Dr. Kevin Leman, Mark Gungor, and Gary Chapman.
1) Communicate Your Needs: whether it is more emotional support, help with the kids, or help around the house, lovingly share that information. When I have to tell my husband that I am bothered by something, I try to pick a time where we are calm and connecting and then bring it up. I have made the mistake of bringing up issues when Rob is stressed and it just turns into a fight.
2) Avoid Nagging: I can be so guilty of the nag. I tend to want things done right away which translates to nagging. When I am nagging all I see is my husband shut down and close me out. I just have to shut my mouth after asking once and realize he has it on his mental to do list. He is an intelligent human and knows that things have to get done on time and will have it done by then.
3) Be Supportive of Change: any sign of improvement be extra thankful. Use words and lots of hugs and kisses so that he knows that you notice the extra effort.
And Husbands, these steps will work on your wives as well! If you want more information about communication read “Have a New Husband by Friday” by Doctor Kevin Leman. It absolutely changed my view on communication. I still struggle with it but we have our whole lives to figure it out.