I have a confession… I read the celebrity magazine InTouch every week. Like many of you, I was shocked to hear about the separation of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. During their ten year marriage, they demonstrated such love and devotion to one another. I have always followed their relationship closely and have been in constant awe that they maintained such a beautiful relationship under the stress of the spotlight, crazy work hours, and three children.
Unfortunately a ten year marriage in Hollywood is considered a success. However I feel like in their marriage they did so many things that were beautiful. For example during Affleck’s Oscar speech he said, “I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good. It is work, but it’s the best kind of work and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”
Ben was highly criticized for saying it but I think he hit the nail on the head. Marriage requires work. It is not always sunshine and rainbows. There are times when distance is felt and it hurts. There are times when problems seem so big you don’t know if you can ever overcome them. There are times of pure frustration because your partner won’t change their habits. These are the times in my marriage that I always go back to a two minute moment in my life: our wedding vows.
It is in that frustration, fear, and hurt when I question if our marriage will last that I remember I said “for better or for worse.” It is in those moments that I remember we promised, “in sickness and in health”. I hold dearly the words, “Till death due us part”.
The divorce rate in North America saddens me. Of course their are times with extenuating circumstances such as abuse and infidelity but I miss the days where people would say, “If it is broken then we fix it.”
I still melt when I hear of marriages that last a life time and it gives me hope. It gives me hope that no matter the storm we can conquer it together and not divided. It is a conscious choice that divorce isn’t an option for us. We have a rule that the “D word” is never said even if it is thought.
The best advice I have ever received was “go back to your first love”. It is proven that couples who talk about the “good times” are generally happier and stay married longer. When I am frustrated I remember why I fell in love with Rob. I think about his devotion to me, his tenderness, how he puts our little family first, and how he works so hard to create the best life for us both. I think about my respect for who he is and the integrity he has.
I have learned through so many wise people that no matter what my circumstances or marital status is, it is important to dream of the future and implant those visions deep inside myself. My vision for life is a wonderful marriage, beautiful children, a healthy life, and a happily ever after.
I wish you all the same!