We are currently in out “Wonderful Women” series and I was finally able to one handed type out a blog (dang cast).. Enjoy!
I love to talk a lot about the happiness and joy in relationships. I also oddly like to write about the “ugly” side. The side people don’t like to talk about, the side people don’t post about on Instagram, the side people won’t Snapchat.
Marriage and relationships are a lot like a slow dance.. It is close, intimate, yet because we do life so closely, we have the ability to step on each other’s toes. It is in the moments when we decide if we want to keep on dancing or decide to dance further and further apart. I really believe the best relationships acknowledge that they are two imperfect people. When in the quiet moments when thinking about a problem or issue, healthy people take account their faults, negative actions, and hurtful attitudes. It is not enough to just acknowledge them but to discuss them with your partner and asking for forgiveness.
Some of the biggest “stepping on each other’s toes” moments for Rob and I is always after 10pm.. After lots of discussion we figured out why:
1. Nothing good happens after 10pm: Just like the movie Gremlins, bad things happen when you feed one after midnight.. Well for me the Gremlin comes out in me during conflict after 10pm. After a certain time our rational thinking goes down drastically. I also begin to shut down when I’m tired so I’m not the best communicator. I get impatient, I jump to conclusions and I become easily offended. This has made for some a few intense fights. I’m learning that if there is an issue I’m feeling and it’s late that it’s better for me to just sleep on it. Most of the time in the morning, I have noted that I was probably overreacting.
2. Not knowing when to quit: This can be in any fight, any time of the day. For me, after 10PM it makes it worse. I over analyze everything Rob says so I make him explain everything (which is totally unnecessary) which just stresses him out. I don’t know if anyone else has this problem but I always wanted the last word in. This was more hurtful than beneficial and just plain selfish. Now my goal is to have issues resolved as quickly and calmly as possible.
3. Have a list of “no no’s”: I have said this many times before but rules should be made in how you fight. These rules should be made, discussed and written down in a calm, happy time when tension isn’t present. For Rob and I, some of our rules are no yelling, no name calling, using “feelings” words such as I, me, myself, and being respectful and loving. We also have rules of no one sleeps on the couch or leaves the house during an argument.
I hope in sharing my story of our “Gremlin” fights that it will help you avoid your own. For me it boils down to being aware of my body, my tired level, my hormones, and even my hunger level (Hangry = hunger + anger) to decide if NOW is the best time for a serious conversation. If any of the above situations are present.. It’s time to put the Gremlin to bed because everything is much brighter in the morning.