I think I went into mild shock when I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t elated, I was just shocked. I made a few phone calls – first to Rob who was surprised but excited and then second my dad who had my favorite, most joyful reaction out of anyone (even though I may have used a few profanities in my stage of shock). In hindsight I wish I would have revealed it to my husband and family in a cutsie way but in that moment I just needed to process it.
I feel I need to discuss this because I’m sure many feel this but are too embarrassed to admit: the next week after the surprise was a blur. I went from happy to deep depression where I couldn’t stop crying. I knew our lives were forever changed and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I was just in the beginning of getting my health back and this was a major curveball. How could I handle being a mom when my body is already struggling to just be.. Also I am someone especially found of my sleep and that selfishly popped into my mind.
Then at just before 7 weeks I had one of the scariest experiences.. I woke up in a lot of pain and the doctor was convinced (and convinced me) I had an ectopic pregnancy. I sat in the hospital bed and cried until I was wheeled into ultrasound and they showed me a healthy little sack nice and high up in the uterus and my pain was due to a bladder infection.
After that moment I fell in love with this baby. The thought of losing this precious little one was a horrible thought. It solidified that I wanted this baby and was willing to do whatever it took to have a healthy pregnancy.
At 7 weeks morning sickness hit hard. I lost a total of 18 pounds from the start of my pregnancy. I would be sick 10 plus times a day – it was the never ending flu which I’m sure many of you mommies can relate to. I took sweet relief in this knowing that my body was doing what it was should be doing (because of previous miscarriages these uncomfortable symptoms were welcomed). I have never been so happy to vomit in my life. Every and all uncomfortable symptom like the chronic headaches and recent high blood pressure that is keeping me off my feet has been worth it to know my baby is growing and that I have the honour of incubating it for 9 whole months.
By 12 weeks morning sickness has completely left except for the odd moment. As any mom would probably say watching all the changes in the body has been absolutely beautiful – as well as my new constant craving for tator tots. I am amazed that two microscopic parts of me and the love of my life have made a little being (now the size of a plum) and that my body just naturally knows what to do with it. Watching the weekly growth videos I’m amazed that this baby just knows how to systematically put itself together. This little plum will become a walking, talking, beautiful human. I can’t wait to not only hold this baby in my arms but to have the responsibly to guide it through life.
Bring on trimester two! So far it has been filled with a lot more energy and lots of tator tots. We can’t wait to find out the gender and have our big reveal party with family and friends where we all get to find out together. I haven’t quite wrapped my mind around that in 6 months there will be a baby in our midst but I am just basking in the bond that is growing with Bébé Bean Fiola.