I have loved having Raven guest blog. She is funny, honest and an absolute treat! Today she shares the emotional roller coaster of an unplanned pregnancy on her wedding night! Read on…
Hello there friends.
Well hopefully by the end of you reading this we’ll be friends, if not you’ll at least know A LOT more about my life.
The name’s Raven. I’m a lifestyle blogger who’s currently working on launching an actual blog, I’m sure you bloggers can relate. In the meantime, I’ve been “Instablogging” – using my Instagram account as a platform for blogging (if you’re an old soul like me you may have been unfamiliar with the term as well). As a result of my Instablogging I’ve been able to connect with lots of awesome bloggers.
I totally get why you guys love her.. she’s the real deal. She’s genuinely one of the most down-to-earth, encouraging, and kind people I’ve met and she’s one heck of a writer. I have a slight blogger-crush on her (alright, more than slight…) but, I’m okay with that.
So far she and I have realized that we have quite a few things in common: we both share the same faith, we both have lots of sisters, and we are both currently expecting our first child. We also both can’t deal with the moms out there who think that simply because they’ve had a child that they are experts and that they are able to write “The Book” on motherhood… unless you have written a book on motherhood in which case we salute you.
And we both had totally unplanned pregnancies.
Two words that are often associated with dire circumstances, teenaged motherhood, and an unwed marital status. Regardless of how an “unplanned pregnancy” occurs, I completely believe that a child is a blessing regardless of the circumstances that brought that child into this world.
Sometimes the circumstances can seem to be “perfect” while the pregnancy is a complete accident.
We live in a society where if you’re married the moment you announce your pregnancy people throw five pounds of confetti and begin asking you what the name is as you’ve obviously had it picked out since the day you created your wedding registry.
What if I told you that unplanned pregnancies occur within marriages as well? *mic drop*
Here is my story.
My husband Mark and I got married in September after dating for 2 years and 4 months – but, who keeps count?? If you’ve ever been in a Christian dating relationship where you decide to wait till your married to have sex– you KNOW that you keep count! Yay we were finally married.
We drove off into the sunset, headed off for a blissful, married, now for the honeymoon. Oh, and sex. Lots of married, awesome sex. What’s awesome about us waiting till we were married is I can talk about this for the world to hear and my Christian mother can read it and it’s totally okay.
I mentioned in the beginning that by the end of this we would be friends. I’m very transparent, at times to a fault but oh well! I’ve never been on any form of birth control. Prior to being married I never had a need for it. As the wedding approached many of my friends asked me if I was on birth control or if I was going to go on birth control. My response was always the same, “Yeah, I’m planning on it.”
Ladies, let’s be honest. When we’re rearranging our wedding seating chart for the 43rd time because seven different people asked at the last minute if they can bring a plus one and you are having a minor meltdown because we can’t find the perfect bra to wear with our wedding dress: medical decisions are the furthest thing from our minds.
The other thing is I wasn’t sure how I felt about going on birth control. We live in a time where popping birth control is as common as sticking a piece of mint-flavored gum in your mouth after downing a cup of coffee. I am thankful for this medical gift however I’m weird and conscious about what goes into my body and wasn’t sold on synthetic hormones. As someone with a chronic illness I prefer to not to add anything unnecessary to my body. I figured I’d research different birth control options closer to the wedding but as it approached I didn’t really think about it. I just figured we’d do “family planning.” I won’t get graphic, but I’m sure your imagination can understand my implication.
Five weeks after my last period when it still had not come I was surprised but pregnancy was still the farthest option from my mind. When I was approaching six weeks without any evil sign that you’re very much a woman my husband insisted that I go to the doctor.
I remember saying to the nurse, “So this is going to sound really funny… I’m not pregnant. I know that but my husband thinks I might be so I’m basically here just to get him to leave me alone.” The nurse looked at me with one of those “bless your heart” facial expressions and was off with my test. For about twenty minutes, I sat in silence in the room saying to myself:
“You’re not pregnant.
You’re not pregnant.
Don’t be crazy, Raven, you’re not pregnant.”
The nurse finally re-entered the room saying, “Raven, come with me.” She lead me down the hall and into a room where the doctor was sitting and said, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” The next moments of the appointment were a blur that ran together but I definitely feel bad for that doctor who had to attempt to console me while I sat in the patient room and sobbed.
Now I want to start off by clearing a few things up: I’m not one of those women that hates kids. You know the ones who wince when a child enters a restaurant with their parents? That’s not me. I actually really like kids. I in no way think that having a child is the nail in the coffin of your ambitions and dreams.
However I’m a planner! I like to know what I’m doing on Thursday at 4p.m. Call me crazy but I like a slight heads up if a child’s going to be forming in my womb for the next nine months. Prior to getting married I told everyone that Mark and I were going to wait 10 years to have a kid. He finally got me to bring that number down to 5 years and even then I was convinced it would be closer to 7… or 8. Turns out we didn’t wait beyond our honeymoon.
Finding out a little over four weeks after getting married that I was going to be a mom was catastrophically overwhelming. I spent the next two weeks in a complete fog. I didn’t have any of the usual symptoms of pregnancy. I wasn’t sick. I’ve always eaten like a pregnant, football player so part of me kept questioning if I was actually pregnant.
I finally had my first doctor’s appointment with an OBGYN. As shameful as I feel admitting it a part of me hoped that the doctor would say, “You’re not pregnant – surprise!” Balloons would fall from the ceiling and I’d happily dance out of the doctor’s office. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I was still pregnant. They did the first ultrasound and I saw a little ball with a head. A human: my human. My very own human that was a mixture of the man I love and myself. I began to cry but this time they were tears of joy of thankfulness. I was hopelessly in love.
In an instant everything inside of my heart changed. This little ball with a head became the fixation of my attention. I began researching pregnancy like a crazy person: what to eat, what not to eat, the different stages of pregnancy, and everything in between. I was a woman in love and that’s no simple thing. This little ball with a head would get every ounce of my love, every bit of my focus, all of the days of my life.
Fast forward to being almost 7 months pregnant: this little ball with a head is a baby boy and we’re naming him Legend. I’m still hopelessly in love.
I won’t say that every day of pregnancy is magical and that you just become this center of light and pure positivity for human life to grow and thrive. I won’t say that your body just magically cooperates. I’ve had debilitating migraines, backaches, emotional breakdowns, moments of frustration and let’s not get started on the night that all I wanted and NEEDED was barbecue food and there wasn’t a barbecue restaurant open.
But I’ve found so much joy, so much excitement. I’ve found a completely unconditional, selfless love that I wasn’t sure existed – a willingness to do anything and everything for someone I’ve never even met. I know that I’m really looking forward to the first week of June when Legend is due to make his appearance.
I know that my unplanned pregnancy showed me that there is a plan for my life (which for myself I believe is God breathed) that is so much better than anything I could have ever planned for myself. It’s funny how the unplanned, twists and turns of life can lead to the greatest joy. I have no doubt that motherhood will bring lots of challenges and as a result hopefully a lot of patience but this little boy is already my world and I look forward to giving him every bit of my heart.
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Hi Raven , I enjoyed this .Has your mother ever told you your great grandmother had 10 yes 10 kids! You better find a birth control that works for you after the baby is born. CONGRATULATIONS!