About a month ago, I wrote a blog titled, “Why He Proposed After 4 Months” – if you haven’t read it, maybe slip over and take a peek so the following makes more sense! In this blog I shared an in depth look into the four years of our lives before we started dating. After knowing him for two years, I shared that I told him my feelings first and that it took him two years to act on the feelings he reciprocated.
I received so much support in this blog but also the most negative comments as well. Around 6 or 7 left comments under the blog (all from anonymous posters of course) about how he “obviously settled for me because during those two years he just got desperate”. Other comments about the difference in our weight, “Because I’m a size 12 and he’s a muscular build, I obviously had to be his 2nd, 3rd, or 4th choice right?”. Plus our personal favorite, “You sounded like two people who were desperate to get married. I wonder what your lives would have been liked if you married someone you truly loved and didn’t have to force it”. We definitely got a few laughs out of that one.
In reality I have a wise husband who I trust greatly. I shared my feelings two years prior and now I know he just simply wasn’t ready. Also he felt like I wasn’t ready. The wise man in him saw that if we started dating then, our relationship would crash and burn in just a short time. He valued me and my feelings more than that. I then chose to move on, I dated some other people but nothing ever serious and of course he looked into options as well.
One night recently, we were watching the office where Jim and Pam are at their wedding rehearsal dinner. Jim makes the best toast which had me in hormonal, preggo tears. Here is an excerpt:
“A guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I ever had to do, which was just to wait. Don’t get me wrong I flirted with her..For a really long time that’s all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think, even then I knew, I was waiting for my wife.”
Then Rob said the best thing ever to me. He paused the show and said, “That was me, I knew I was waiting for my wife and you were worth the wait.” *cue more tears*.
We live in a society where relationships generally start quick and end even faster. Look at examples on the shows Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, Scrubs, and the Bachelor. All great shows but show the disposability of relationships.
Would I change those 4 years for anything? The hurt, the frustration, the confusion? Not in a second. In hind sight, those 4 years were about building and building something great. Even now after 2 years into our marriage I see the fruit of those four special and hard years:
1. Our Friendship: according to a recent study, couples who have a solid friendship are 60% happier. During those four years we really got to know each other. We had game nights with friends, we worked together, and we saw each other at our best and worst. I had no idea I could trust and feel so accepted by someone. I didn’t know I could laugh the way I do with him or that he wants me to be his shoulder to cry on. Friendship is beautiful and it truly is a huge part of marriage.
2. Our Appreciation: I know what life is like without Rob. I know what it’s like to not be able to call him on the phone to brainstorm a problem, I know what it’s like to not be able to text him that I am thinking about him, and I know what it’s like to not walk through life with him by my side. Those years gave me a deep appreciation for who he is and what he does.
3. Our Commitment: Man he is one committed man but it took him a long time to get there. He is the type of guy that likes to think things over, he is the type that likes to be certain before he makes a decision. Once he makes it though he is pretty much all in. We have gone through some very hard things in our marriage and some very hard health issues and his commitment has never wavered. He always shows me how much he cares and loves me and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
So yes we do have a bit of an unconventional start. I truly believe that God’s timing is perfect and that we needed those four years to build a solid foundation. We needed that time to develop into the people we are. There was no settling (trust me, we both had other options) but in the end we chose to be together. He waited for me until I was ready and the timing was right. It wasn’t always easy for us both but out of all the love stories, ours is my favorite.