On Thursday I went for a photoshoot with my husband and our amazing photographer. We have been in front of the lens several times together but this time I was self conscious. Because of my fibromyalgia (chronic pain disorder – Wikipedia it for more information) and medication for it, I felt like a balloon next to my 150 pound muscular and athletic husband. I felt like an elephant. I also had these insecurities in my head of, “what if people think what is he doing with HER.” This was also after a weekend of being asked if I was pregnant which I am not.
I posted a picture of myself on Friday about my little rolls and stretch marks. I had a huge reaction from women women who felt EXACTLY how I fell. Then I reminded myself that confidence is a choice! I can choose to own my body, dress it well, feed it well and do whatever exercises I can. I ended up going to Old Navy and picked out 8 dresses in the proper size for $200 (yay sales). I feel so much better wearing clothes that are not too tight and flattering.
Then I started thinking about all the things that people can weave their confidence into. It’s not just looks or the size in the tag, but other things.
Confidence is defined as: “the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.”
Confidence comes from the things we feel certain about. Feeling certain about what we know. I need to know I am beautiful on the inside where it matters and I that my external efforts will pay off and that even in this size I am beautiful. I need to be certain and self assured that my husband loves my body exactly where it is at. All of these feelings must bubble up internally.
Here are some other things that easily can be entangled in where we get confidence from external sources:
– Twitter/Instagram Followers: I have had people leave me nasty comments if I unfollow them (usually for inappropriate content). You are not the amount of people who follow you! If someone unfollows you, laugh it off. Sometimes people downsize followers, sometimes someone thinks you post too many pictures of your dog (guilty as charged), or maybe they just were not feeling your style.
– Who You Know: I’m a home body and close to many girls. Sometimes it can be painful to be left out, gossiped about, or ignored. I have peace that friends come and go throughout life.
– Relationship status: I am having a guest blogger soon talking about singleness. If you do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend that does not define you. When I was single, it hurt and ached but it was a constant struggle to be okay with it and not define myself as a “spinster”. (I was 20-23 so I should say it’s a tad dramatic I might say)
Confidence is a roller coaster for most of us. Somedays you can feel hot and sometimes you feel like a fat pig. Somedays it is a mountaintop and somedays its a valley. My only advice is never allow your confidence to come from outside sources but to come from the depth of who you are and knowing that you are beautifully made for a purpose.